Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
