so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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