thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
