Kiss
Puke
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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