apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
