I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
