Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
