..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
