just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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