we have pet lesbian snakes
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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