Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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