party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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