she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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