having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
