Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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