Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
