Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
