note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
