So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
