Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
