is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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