I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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