You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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