Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I can't put those talents on a resume
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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