This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
