"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Bring me that man meat
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
