return my video game
we have pet lesbian snakes
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
