My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
