Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
How's work?
Spinning.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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