If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
