I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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