remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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