I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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