There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
