if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
