Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize