No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
