walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
sex in a hospital.. check
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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