I CAN MOONWALK!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
