I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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