How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
