pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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