and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
