it wasn't lemon gatorade
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
