It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
