highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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