2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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