Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
