Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
