Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize