I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
