closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
