I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
