I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
