Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
