Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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