just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
