cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize