i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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