I'm gonna have a badass scar
Your dad touched me again.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
