I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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