If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
