im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
