He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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