Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
