Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
