and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
